Forging The Self

A Journey Beyond Fear, Pain, and the Herd

Every individual forges and strengthens their character by learning to defend themselves from the torment of anxiety. Fear and anxiety act as invisible chains, binding most people to mediocrity.

It is unsettling to confront the idea that what we cherish as “personality” often amounts to little more than a mask of defence mechanisms, concealing our primal instinct for survival. If this thought disturbs you, I encourage you to reflect on why it feels so unsettling and share your thoughts in the comments.

Human beings instinctively avoid tension, seeking comfort at any cost. But it is the anticipation of conflict, more than the conflict itself, that governs behaviour. The mere thought of being scolded or rejected is often worse than facing reality—just as a child’s imagination can transform shadows into monsters.

For the child, imagination is both a blessing and a curse. It can conjure horrors that do not exist, leading to conclusions far more crippling than the events themselves. Many of the assumptions children make—such as believing in the infallibility of their parents—remain buried in the unconscious, even into adulthood.

Most adults, trapped in the primitive strategies they learned as children, stumble through life using outdated control methods. Some resort to manipulation instead of dialogue, or illness instead of strength. I believe today’s epidemic of identity confusion and mental health struggles can be traced back to these learned behaviours.

Many children discover they can hurt their parents by hurting themselves. In their naïve minds, failure becomes a weapon of revenge, a means of punishing their parents for their perceived failings. I have known individuals who sabotage their happiness still blaming their parents long after they have passed away, still trapped in this vicious cycle of self-delusion and infancy. As Joseph Campbell noted, the hero must symbolically “kill” their parents—or the authority figures in their lives—to find their path.

Even with the best intentions, parents often misunderstand the nature of a child’s mind, leading to immense and lasting damage.

Magical thinking via wishes, and death fantasies frequently fill the minds of children. The more painful the environment, the more these compensations for powerlessness arise. Like all animals, a child seeks control over themselves and their surroundings, however irrational their methods are. Wishes, fantasies, and illusions become their primary psychological weapons. Even the most rational adults resort to these primitive devices when stress becomes unbearable.

Children often believe their parents can read their thoughts, leading them to repress their feelings and learn to deceive—both themselves and others. These patterns, once established, frequently persist into adulthood, resulting in the disenchanted, hollow lives of the modern zombies amongst us that we witness today.

Modern addictions—whether alcohol, drugs, or mindless scrolling on social media—are desperate attempts to numb this hollowness, alleviate anxiety, and fill the void left by a sagging sense of self.

As tension builds in the body, the mind searches for explanations. It requires reasons to justify the discomfort. Often, it clings to absurd or self-serving beliefs to avoid confronting the real source of pain. But challenge someone’s deeply held illusions, and you risk provoking their anger. So, tread lightly: smile, nod, and remain invisible when needed.

This grim perspective is often dismissed by those who call themselves “free spirits” or hedonists, but in my experience, those who wear such labels rarely find peace. Beneath their carefree masks lie tension, fear, and a readiness for the next blow.

Why do we cling to these behaviours? Why is our personality so rigidly fixed from such a young age? The answer is simple: human survival, the ease with which the individual can be replaced, and nature’s indifference to the illusion of personal importance.

The aim of the “Great Work” is to break these chains by dismantling problematic mental patterns and forging new ones. But this requires effort—the kind of effort most people will not undertake unless driven by pain.

Pain, after all, is a great motivator. Every great figure in history was driven by it. If we are to achieve anything real—anything reflecting true power and integrity—we must learn to harness pain, not run from it. The real task is to exchange the shallow survival instinct of the herd for the ultimate selfish pursuit: to become a true individual.

By “the work,” I mean the forging of an authentic self—a self that stands apart from the herd, akin to Nietzsche’s Übermensch or Gurdjieff’s concept of creating a soul.

The secret of this great work is to carve out a space where the self can exist freely—a realm where choice, will, and integrity govern.

But beware: few seek this path unless driven by suffering. Most of the great figures in history were motivated by pain, and their missions, whether conscious or not, often revolved around overcoming it. Pain is the crucible of transformation.

Learning to use pain is both an art and a science. The process of self-overcoming teaches you how to turn pain into fuel for growth. If you wish to achieve something truly meaningful, something of substance and integrity, you must first rid yourself of all inherited beliefs—about the world, yourself, and others. You must die to your old self to be reborn as something greater.

This is why the work is so difficult, but therein lies its value.

When you free your body, you free your mind. You become a sovereign entity, no longer beholden to culture, family, or the fragile mask of personality you once clung to.

The work is demanding, and few will applaud your efforts. But remember: the goal of becoming an individual is not to serve the herd. It is to transcend it.

Ultimate freedom lies in turning your life into a work of art. This is the essence of individualism—the belief that you are not a passive spectator in your life, but its creator. To live as an individual is to approach life as a creative act, where every decision and action is an expression of your true will.

To make your life a masterpiece, you must live with purpose. Reject society’s default scripts and carve your path. Find beauty in the every day, and bring creativity, authenticity, and intention to every corner of your existence.